Its been 10 years to the day…. not 10 years since I developed MS but 10 years since my diagnosis. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night but I can remember the phone call and all that led up to the diagnosis… I’ve written about all this before.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like to post today (besides vowing to post more). I don’t think I want to write about too many details of the diagnosis. But I would like to recognize my blessings and offer encouragement.
I know that a lot of people experience a lot of things/illnesses that shape their lives and by no means do I want to seem like an ‘everything is terrible’ blog post writer. But things have changed a lot for me. I am no where near the person I thought I’d be at this point in my life. I grieve that. It makes me mad. The fatigue issue and the walking issue really get me. I’m on a cane now, I wear an AFO. I envy those that can wear those awesome high heels.
So I struggle with the discrepancy with where I am and where I thought I would be. I struggle with accepting God’s will for my life. Am I telling Him that His design for my life is just not good enough? I hope not. I pray for His will to be shown for my life and when it is/was, I was surprised. I read an article the other day that I want to quote… the article appeared in HomeLife and is not about illness but I love this quote:
“Before, I prayed, ‘if the Lord wills’ such and such will happen. After, I realized that I didn’t mean it when I said it. I said, ‘If the Lord wills,’ but I never honestly thought that my plans for life wouldn’t be His plans. I was smitten with the illusion of control. If I just worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, lived right enough, things would work out. Now when I say, ‘Tomorrow I will do this or that,’ I don’t have any illusion that it will happen… unless the Lord wills.” (Ron L. Deal)
I would love to take MS and toss it over a cliff. But I can’t. When I take the time to look past myself and all the things that I think I need and want, I can see how much God has blessed me. Especially with my husband. He has been my staunch advocate. He does more reading on MS that I have ever done. He is continually thinking of ways to make my life easier. He loves me. And I love him. Which brings me to my kids, who have really seen too much. Our son was 9 and our daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed. They are so used to all of this… I was working full time when I was diagnosed and taking them to school. One blessing I can name off the top of my head is the fact I got to be at home with them during the last years of their schooling. And I got to see them grow into the wonderful people they are.
Have another good day!!
New for me: gelatos and/or gel sticks. I found a pack of four gelatos at Hobby Lobby for about 9 dollars and then I ordered a pack of gel sticks on Amazon for 11. I love Amazon. You can find anything. Nearly anything. On Amazon.
Here are a couple of my first attempts:
Of course, the examples include lettering.
And one other. This quote comes from Maya Angelou. This ‘not driving’ thing is getting on my nerves, so I have to remember this. I might re-do this one, I love this quote and it needs to be on a cleaner background with darker lettering:
I’ve decided that none of my art is going to look like what I see in magazines. My goodness, I’m as bad as a teenager looking at a fashion magazine, wishing I could be like those on the pages within. Well. I’ve decided that um, no I’m not. I can’t create artwork like what I see (unless I have VERY SPECIFIC instructions!) in the art magazines.
I swear everything I create/paint/draw looks like I did it.
Sigh. I want to be cool! I want to be creative! I want imagination!
So the heck with that. Life is too short to covet someone else’s talent, imagination, etc. I’ve got my own, its all I’ve got. The comparison game is not for me. I need to quit it so I can enjoy what I’m doing.
I’ve started a painting for my kitchen. Its flowers. I like it even if it isn’t coming out like I planned.
Some work in progress pictures:
Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. Like I just can’t get anywhere…. even if I’m not sure where that ‘anywhere’ is. I know I want to go somewhere in life but seem to stand in one spot.
I’ve been wanting to update my blog regularly and while I’ve done it more recently, I want to do it consistently.
Life doesn’t work that way. I have MS. MS limits my walking (I walk with a cane.) , it also limits my energy supply. I’m fatigued a lot. My spirit is still there and intact but my body tends to want to do its own thing.
So…. I had a ‘faint’ and then a seizure a couple of weeks ago. Now I can’t drive for 6 months (state law). Sigh. This leads me to say ‘if its not one thing. its another. its always something.’ … however, I wouldn’t want to pass out at the wheel and hurt someone so no driving for me!
Here’s a few pictures of things I’ve worked on.
This is a wedding gift for a young couple:
More water soluable graphite:
A very sad looking woman, she’s part of a drawing thats supposed to be of three ladies:
Happy Saturday, World!
Day 3 of the AEDM project. Its gonna be a great day! Lots of laundry to do and hopefully lots of art (or maybe a little, hope a lot). Laundry is always there but I’m gonna try to make art time today. There is always a lot of whatever to accomplish but not always a lot of energy for me. Some days you have to toss all the obligations and do what you want or else you will never get to do it… especially when you have limited energy reserves.
Here are a few more pages from the sketchbook:
I cannot believe its June 18th already. Oh boy, this month is passing too fast.
Last week, my husband and I went on a mission trip with the youth group from our church. What an experience. I had spent a lot of time dreading this trip. Yes, I did. I’m glad I went though. A lot of my worries were unfounded (afraid of too much fatigue!!!!) and some of my worries came true (fourth floor, anyone?, 11 women, one bath? LOL – not really). So I don’t know about going back.. I’ll just have to see what next year brings.
One thing I need not have worried about were the people we went with. They were absolutely awesome.
The purpose of the trip was to provide opportunities for the youth to serve others. One place we went was to an elderly lady’s house to build front steps and then a deck with a ramp out back. There was also a single-wide trail demolition involved. I didn’t get too involved in anything and wound up sitting in a chair under a tree. Worked for me. But it made for a long day.
I did get some good pictures though. A few of the pictures are below. I referred to these guys (to myself) as ‘folk art’. Apparently, the lady that lives there once liked pigs.
I liked this “pig planter”.
I found this guy in a tree.
And then there’s my favorite…… I liked him so much I took three pictures.
I managed to get around to changing my header photo. Not a big deal to anyone but me but I really like the colors in this photo. This is just one of the many potted plants my daughter and her boyfriend planted for me a few weeks ago. I knew I wouldn’t ever get around to it and they so graciously volunteered. Its kind of funny (not in haha way) how the years have changed things. I used to be able to actually go get the plants, get the potting soil, plant the plants, and water them in the same day. Whoo hoo. Not so much anymore. But thats ok. Acceptance is an ongoing process, I do what I can. There’s no use in spending a lot of time on ‘used to be’, when I need to focus on what I can do today.
Anyway, they did such a good job.
Here are a few more photos: (Some of them may be blurry but I’m not going out there again. Not right now.)