Its been 10 years to the day…. not 10 years since I developed MS but 10 years since my diagnosis. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night but I can remember the phone call and all that led up to the diagnosis… I’ve written about all this before.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like to post today (besides vowing to post more). I don’t think I want to write about too many details of the diagnosis. But I would like to recognize my blessings and offer encouragement.
I know that a lot of people experience a lot of things/illnesses that shape their lives and by no means do I want to seem like an ‘everything is terrible’ blog post writer. But things have changed a lot for me. I am no where near the person I thought I’d be at this point in my life. I grieve that. It makes me mad. The fatigue issue and the walking issue really get me. I’m on a cane now, I wear an AFO. I envy those that can wear those awesome high heels.
So I struggle with the discrepancy with where I am and where I thought I would be. I struggle with accepting God’s will for my life. Am I telling Him that His design for my life is just not good enough? I hope not. I pray for His will to be shown for my life and when it is/was, I was surprised. I read an article the other day that I want to quote… the article appeared in HomeLife and is not about illness but I love this quote:
“Before, I prayed, ‘if the Lord wills’ such and such will happen. After, I realized that I didn’t mean it when I said it. I said, ‘If the Lord wills,’ but I never honestly thought that my plans for life wouldn’t be His plans. I was smitten with the illusion of control. If I just worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, lived right enough, things would work out. Now when I say, ‘Tomorrow I will do this or that,’ I don’t have any illusion that it will happen… unless the Lord wills.” (Ron L. Deal)
I would love to take MS and toss it over a cliff. But I can’t. When I take the time to look past myself and all the things that I think I need and want, I can see how much God has blessed me. Especially with my husband. He has been my staunch advocate. He does more reading on MS that I have ever done. He is continually thinking of ways to make my life easier. He loves me. And I love him. Which brings me to my kids, who have really seen too much. Our son was 9 and our daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed. They are so used to all of this… I was working full time when I was diagnosed and taking them to school. One blessing I can name off the top of my head is the fact I got to be at home with them during the last years of their schooling. And I got to see them grow into the wonderful people they are.
Have another good day!!