Its been 10 years to the day…. not 10 years since I developed MS but 10 years since my diagnosis. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night but I can remember the phone call and all that led up to the diagnosis… I’ve written about all this before.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like to post today (besides vowing to post more). I don’t think I want to write about too many details of the diagnosis. But I would like to recognize my blessings and offer encouragement.
I know that a lot of people experience a lot of things/illnesses that shape their lives and by no means do I want to seem like an ‘everything is terrible’ blog post writer. But things have changed a lot for me. I am no where near the person I thought I’d be at this point in my life. I grieve that. It makes me mad. The fatigue issue and the walking issue really get me. I’m on a cane now, I wear an AFO. I envy those that can wear those awesome high heels.
So I struggle with the discrepancy with where I am and where I thought I would be. I struggle with accepting God’s will for my life. Am I telling Him that His design for my life is just not good enough? I hope not. I pray for His will to be shown for my life and when it is/was, I was surprised. I read an article the other day that I want to quote… the article appeared in HomeLife and is not about illness but I love this quote:
“Before, I prayed, ‘if the Lord wills’ such and such will happen. After, I realized that I didn’t mean it when I said it. I said, ‘If the Lord wills,’ but I never honestly thought that my plans for life wouldn’t be His plans. I was smitten with the illusion of control. If I just worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, lived right enough, things would work out. Now when I say, ‘Tomorrow I will do this or that,’ I don’t have any illusion that it will happen… unless the Lord wills.” (Ron L. Deal)
I would love to take MS and toss it over a cliff. But I can’t. When I take the time to look past myself and all the things that I think I need and want, I can see how much God has blessed me. Especially with my husband. He has been my staunch advocate. He does more reading on MS that I have ever done. He is continually thinking of ways to make my life easier. He loves me. And I love him. Which brings me to my kids, who have really seen too much. Our son was 9 and our daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed. They are so used to all of this… I was working full time when I was diagnosed and taking them to school. One blessing I can name off the top of my head is the fact I got to be at home with them during the last years of their schooling. And I got to see them grow into the wonderful people they are.
Have another good day!!
to hang on to some stuff, even when you don’t know why.
The other day, I was hanging out in my art room and came across something that I’m sure is at least 6 years old. I knew I wasn’t crazy about it when I made it but for some reason, I had kept it. I had made this collage around the time I was ‘laid off’ from my job and I remember trying to choose papers and wording that meant something to me. Anyway, I made this collage and………. didn’t like it.
So I thought at the time “I wonder what would happen if…”. I dug out some acrylic paint and painted hearts, and then painted the negative space around the hearts… THEN I outlined the hearts in white paint and added the green dots with my fingers.
Then left it alone until last week when I found a piece of white matting and a frame…
Turns out that I like it… not exactly museum worthy but hey…
Have a great day!
I’m really enjoying learning how to use gelatos! I’m trying them out in my art journal and wondering what kind of paper I’m supposed to be using. What paper is best to use with gelatos?
I’m going to keep watching YouTube videos and experimenting … but in the meantime here are some more examples from my ever-present art journal! (I’m carrying that thing around and collaging and drawing and painting my heart out!).
This is my favorite so far!
My next favorite:
One of my first attempts at flowers!
I like this, not going to try to improve this … afraid of screwing it up.
A background using gelatos and a stamp that I carved myself. Don’t know what to do with this one!
I’ve been busy lately and have been running short of the rest I need. So today I’m real happy because ….
Today I get to stay home – most of the day! And work on Mother’s Day projects!
What are you doing on this Friday?
I cannot believe its the last day of July. It feels like yesterday was my glorious 48th birthday. And August usually follows July. … before long it’ll be Christmas. Wow. Before August is over, my son will be a Junior in high school. My daughter will be a junior in college and my husband & I will be married 25 years.
I always plan to get a lot done during the summer. Usually I get maybe 1 percent accomplished. Its ok though. There is a lot I want to do.
Earlier this season, my daughter and her boyfriend planted some plants for me on the deck. I’m posting a few more pics here. They’ve since almost dried up. It has been so hot here. Anyway here are a few pics.
Some tomato pics:
We didn’t ‘grow’ these but I thought they were beautiful, anyway.
Sunflowers from a local field….
Our neighbor planted pumpkins! I can’t wait to get pictures of that!
No worries for me, I didn’t.
But I did spend a productive afternoon watching “How The Lottery Changed My Life”. When this kind of stuff comes on TV, I can’t help but wonder what I’d do with all that money. I know that I’d do the standard ‘help family’ and ‘set up the kids’. I used to say I’d want to travel and I guess I could/would. But with the MS, its like the travel would be a pain in the backside. The walking issues would be the biggest pain. But heck, I would have all this money, it seems like I could take my time.
When I ask my husband, he says he would take me and the kids and leave no forwarding address!!
I know this is a lame post but I skipped yesterday and I took some pictures of some of my more recent artwork and they all are too dark… so… I’ll retake the pictures tomorrow and maybe have a more creative post.
Let it be known right here and now, that I will not be taking anymore steroid shots. It is 1 in the morning and I have been awake for 20 hours and I have to get up again in 5. So pardon me if this post is foul.
This morning at 5, I woke up with the worst possible headache. I could barely get my eyes open. So this happening, on top of my cold, sent me and my husband up to urgent care at 6. Where I received a bunch of medicine including the super-fabulous steroid shot. And all afternoon I’ve been sweating and now I can’t sleep.
Which I should have told the doctor that I would do this but I forgot since it has been so long since i’ve had steroids. I have had steroid infusions because of my MS in the past and I would do this and each time I would swear up and down that I’d never do steroids again if I could help it. Sigh.
Oh well, I got through it those other times and I’ll get through it now. The ironic thing is that the steroid shot helped with the nasal swelling and stuff. Double Sigh.
I know I’m being a big baby.
Thank you for listening, world. I feel better now.
Some good things that happened.
My husband took excellent care of me today. Fixed me soup. Took our son to school. Took me to doc. Put gas in my car. Got my prescriptions filled. Washed clothes. Went to get our son. Then went to work out. Now that is wonderful.
My inlaws brought me a miniature rose bush on Sunday to make me feel better since I had a cold.
Our family has gotten into the habit of sharing funny videos that we find on YouTube with each other.
This one is cute, its a video about a rescue dog that is happy, not depressing.