Happy Anniversary, MS….

Its been 10 years to the day…. not 10 years since I developed MS but 10 years since my diagnosis.  I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night but I can remember the phone call and all that led up to the diagnosis…  I’ve written about all this before.

I’ve been thinking about what I would like to post today (besides vowing to post more).   I don’t think I want to write about too many details of the diagnosis.  But I would like to recognize my blessings and offer encouragement.

I know that a lot of people experience a lot of things/illnesses that shape their lives and by no means do I want to seem like an ‘everything is terrible’ blog post writer.    But things have changed a lot for me.   I am no where near the person I thought I’d be at this point in my life.  I grieve that.  It makes me mad.   The fatigue issue and the walking issue really get me.  I’m on a cane now,  I wear an AFO.    I envy those that can wear those awesome high heels.

So I struggle with the discrepancy with where I am and where I thought I would be.  I struggle with accepting God’s will for my life.   Am I telling Him that His design for my life is just not good enough?  I hope not.   I pray for His will to be shown for my life and when it is/was, I was surprised.   I read an article the other day that I want to quote… the article appeared in HomeLife and is not about illness but I love this quote:

“Before, I prayed, ‘if the Lord wills’ such and such will happen.  After, I realized that I didn’t mean it when I said it.  I said, ‘If the Lord wills,’ but I never honestly thought that my plans for life wouldn’t be His plans.  I was smitten with the illusion of control.  If I just worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, lived right enough, things would work out.  Now when I say, ‘Tomorrow I will do this or that,’  I don’t have any illusion that it will happen… unless the Lord wills.” (Ron L. Deal)

I would love to take MS and toss it over a cliff.  But I can’t.   When I take the time to look past myself and all the things that I think I need and want,  I can see how much God has blessed me.   Especially with my husband.   He has been my staunch advocate.  He does more reading on MS that I have ever done.    He is continually thinking of ways to make my life easier.   He loves me.   And I love him.    Which brings me to my kids, who have really seen too much.   Our son was 9 and our daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed.    They are so used to all of this…   I was working full time when I was diagnosed and taking them to school.    One blessing I can name off the top of my head is the fact I got to be at home with them during the last years of their schooling.    And I got to see them grow into the wonderful people they are.

Have another good day!!


Wisdom from the craft store

Every once in a while I’ll meet someone that becomes an unexpected source of wisdom for me.

I have been going to a certain craft store for years and for most of that time she has been my cashier.    Of course we always exchanged the usual “How are you doing today?” ‘ s.   Every so often we’d talk a little more.  For example,   she shared with me that she has a new grandson.   She is so proud of her family.   One time,  she shared that she had been able to pay down a bunch of debt.   She wasn’t bragging,  she was just sayin’.

One day,  several months ago,  I stopped by to kill some time before meeting my husband for lunch.   And as usual,  I was limping along.    She and I had never talked about my MS or anything.   She wasn’t behind the counter that day and noticed my limping.    She called out to me to see how I was and asked about my leg.

Her name is Pamila and as I was explaining to her, she really listened.

I appreciated that but it was what she said to me that made a difference.   As we talked,  it became apparent that she is a Christian.   A strong Christian.

While we were talking, she asked me if I had given God my leg.  Now that is something I hadn’t considered before.  I’m a Christian but I had never thought to give my leg to God.    She wasn’t suggesting that I get a tattoo that said “God, this leg is yours!” or anything weird.    She was asking me if I had given my situation and my leg over to God for His use and for His Glory.

OK.   Its been hard to get those words out of my head.

I know that God can use any circumstance we find ourselves in for His purposes  But my leg?   This leg is a burden.  My MS has put me in a place where I don’t want to be.    I thought my life would be different than it is.   I have no idea exactly what my plans were but they weren’t this.   But this was in God’s plan.

An opportunity has come up for me and my husband to go on a mission trip with the youth group from our church.    I have been ‘on the fence’ about it since it came up.   It will involve a long bus ride and the kids will be doing some light construction.    There also might be an opportunity to work with Vacation Bible School.   I just don’t know how much use I will be to anyone.   I’m afraid I’ll get up there and have a flare – up like I did this past week.   That would be no fun.  I think its the fear of the unknown that makes me crazy and makes me want to stay home.

Well….  I had to go see what Pamila had to say.     She and I talked for a while (well,  not that long .. after all she was at work.)    She encouraged me to pray about the trip,  to pray over my leg and my MS.

She also mentioned that we “walk by faith, not by sight”.    I don’t know how it will be up there (its at the beach, so that’s cool) but I know that God will take care of me and my husband.    I just have to give my leg to Him.