Its been 10 years to the day…. not 10 years since I developed MS but 10 years since my diagnosis. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night but I can remember the phone call and all that led up to the diagnosis… I’ve written about all this before.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like to post today (besides vowing to post more). I don’t think I want to write about too many details of the diagnosis. But I would like to recognize my blessings and offer encouragement.
I know that a lot of people experience a lot of things/illnesses that shape their lives and by no means do I want to seem like an ‘everything is terrible’ blog post writer. But things have changed a lot for me. I am no where near the person I thought I’d be at this point in my life. I grieve that. It makes me mad. The fatigue issue and the walking issue really get me. I’m on a cane now, I wear an AFO. I envy those that can wear those awesome high heels.
So I struggle with the discrepancy with where I am and where I thought I would be. I struggle with accepting God’s will for my life. Am I telling Him that His design for my life is just not good enough? I hope not. I pray for His will to be shown for my life and when it is/was, I was surprised. I read an article the other day that I want to quote… the article appeared in HomeLife and is not about illness but I love this quote:
“Before, I prayed, ‘if the Lord wills’ such and such will happen. After, I realized that I didn’t mean it when I said it. I said, ‘If the Lord wills,’ but I never honestly thought that my plans for life wouldn’t be His plans. I was smitten with the illusion of control. If I just worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, lived right enough, things would work out. Now when I say, ‘Tomorrow I will do this or that,’ I don’t have any illusion that it will happen… unless the Lord wills.” (Ron L. Deal)
I would love to take MS and toss it over a cliff. But I can’t. When I take the time to look past myself and all the things that I think I need and want, I can see how much God has blessed me. Especially with my husband. He has been my staunch advocate. He does more reading on MS that I have ever done. He is continually thinking of ways to make my life easier. He loves me. And I love him. Which brings me to my kids, who have really seen too much. Our son was 9 and our daughter was 12 when I was diagnosed. They are so used to all of this… I was working full time when I was diagnosed and taking them to school. One blessing I can name off the top of my head is the fact I got to be at home with them during the last years of their schooling. And I got to see them grow into the wonderful people they are.
Have another good day!!
I felt really ‘stuck’ yesterday! I did stuff around the house but really wanted to do art. But me , being me, had no idea what I wanted to do once I got in there! Today will be better.
On the plus side, I got an iPhone yesterday! Look out Instagram!
Another journal page:
Collage and lettering. Still working in my journal. Still love it! Have a great day! (wish I was wordier today)
to hang on to some stuff, even when you don’t know why.
The other day, I was hanging out in my art room and came across something that I’m sure is at least 6 years old. I knew I wasn’t crazy about it when I made it but for some reason, I had kept it. I had made this collage around the time I was ‘laid off’ from my job and I remember trying to choose papers and wording that meant something to me. Anyway, I made this collage and………. didn’t like it.
So I thought at the time “I wonder what would happen if…”. I dug out some acrylic paint and painted hearts, and then painted the negative space around the hearts… THEN I outlined the hearts in white paint and added the green dots with my fingers.
Then left it alone until last week when I found a piece of white matting and a frame…
Turns out that I like it… not exactly museum worthy but hey…
Have a great day!
I don’t have any new gelato pages to share today. I’ll have to work on some this weekend. Maybe add more lettering and even collage. I’m just obsessed with my journal. Like I said, it goes all over the house with me. Kitchen table. Couch. Art table. I think its proving to be a decent project for me since I’m home a lot. The only thing is my journal pages don’t look like other people’s journal pages… like you see in magazines or online. Or in how to videos. The videos are so cool but I digress.
I’m very much a routine person, a ‘rut’ person. I’ll create the same type of thing over and over until I’m sick of it and then lay it down for a while and move on to something else. With this art journaling thing I have going, I haven’t gotten sick of it yet. But it is forcing me to think beyond my habits and maybe push a little bt. A little.
Used stencils with this page. Need to work on more colorful backgrounds. Its one of my favorite quotes!
I’ve still been working in my art journal. Between phone calls. And laundry. And other miscellaneous stuff. I’m doing more than just gelatos but I’ve just been sharing the gelato pages the last couple of days.
This one is my fav of the day. I’ve used markers along with gelatos. I’m still not finished.
Other random backgrounds:
I’m really enjoying learning how to use gelatos! I’m trying them out in my art journal and wondering what kind of paper I’m supposed to be using. What paper is best to use with gelatos?
I’m going to keep watching YouTube videos and experimenting … but in the meantime here are some more examples from my ever-present art journal! (I’m carrying that thing around and collaging and drawing and painting my heart out!).
This is my favorite so far!
My next favorite:
One of my first attempts at flowers!
I like this, not going to try to improve this … afraid of screwing it up.
A background using gelatos and a stamp that I carved myself. Don’t know what to do with this one!