This is weird but I was just sitting here reading an art magazine and wondering if I always liked art.
I think I have but I let others either discourage my interest with their words or with their actions. And me being me, I let time and opportunity pass and really didn’t try anything until my late 30s or early 40s. I let other peoples opinions and my own lack of belief in myself and my abilities paralyze me. But I can’t entirely blame others for my late ‘art’ start. As an adult, I could have done differently, but I held on to the beliefs of the past rather than look to the future and the possibilities that were there.
My first memory was from when I was in 3rd grade and I finally got to play in the ‘art’ center. I remember standing there and staring at the white paper on the easel. There were pots of paint – red, green, blue and yellow – in front of me. And I couldn’t decide on what to paint. I remember the teacher coming by and giving suggestions. And I still couldn’t decide! Finally, she came by and said time was up. I remember I thought “Wait! Not yet! I haven’t painted anything!!” Oh please, I must have thought I had to be a regular Van Gogh at the age of 8. I couldn’t put anything down because it wouldn’t be perfect. She probably thought ‘what a weird kid’.
My second memory comes from college. I had a computer science class across the hall from the art studio. One day, after struggling up three flights of stairs, I stopped by the door of the studio. The lights weren’t on and I didn’t think anyone was there and I peeked in to see what the students had been working on. But one of the instructors was there and invited me in, and I wouldn’t go in because I was late for class. I must say I was more interested in what was going on in there than I was in going to class. I went on to class but I always wondered what would have happened had I gone in. I don’t think anything really would have changed. Lightening would not have struck. Angels would not have sung. I wouldn’t have changed my major. Things would have been the same. I just like to think of that as an ‘aha’ moment.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about the past and things like that. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is today. The past is over. It is what it is. (Or it was what it was. haha.) We can learn from the past. We can plan for the future and we can hope for the future, but we dont hold the future. God does. What we are given is today. In 2012, I want to make some positive changes – one day at a time.