A friend of mine had a job interview today. She was applying for a job in a place where I used to work. She sent me an email after the interview describing the interview, who she met with and how it went in general.
Of course, me being me, I wrote back and told her things that I knew about the people she met with. It was not that I had terrible things to say about these people (I didn’t), but it got me to thinking about my time there and about the time I spent in subsequent workplaces.
In my mind, everything over there is as it was when I left. Like I left and everything has been suspended in time. I know things change, people change, the work changes. But it was like a dysfunctional, large family where everyone knew everyone (and everyone’s business). I think for me it represents who I was at the time. I had energy. I was a parent with young children. I was serious-illness free. Even though I was an ‘adult’ when I was hired on (first job out of college), it was the place where I did some serious growing.
I left it 12 years ago for various reasons and while I wasn’t completely satisfied over there, the subsequent places I worked sucked. I grew in those places as well, but in a direction that wasn’t pleasant. I had a lot to learn about how things worked on the other side of the fence. I thought it looked good in a “Well, I’ll show THEM!” way, but it turns out they showed me.
Maybe one day I’ll write about my stories from the work place. Some of them are pretty good.
But anyway, a few minutes ago I was on Facebook and someone posted how it was the worst day ever at work. (I can believe it as she works for the people that laid me off.) And that sick, sinking feeling came back to me.
Even though I’ve been laid off for 3 & 1/2 years and officially disabled for 3 of those, I still dream about work and the people in all three places I’ve worked. It frustrates me still. I mean, why am I still dreaming about all of this? I don’t spend any time thinking of it during the day. But at night, I have usually failed a test, never graduated college, missed a deadline , etc etc.
So when I’m struggling with the MS, the diabetes and whatever else is going on, I remember that sinking feeling and I know that I would not be able to handle the work thing now. I know that I am where I need to be, that God in His wisdom removed me from a situation that was detrimental to my health and now I need to face forward and try to be the person He would have me to be.