Thankful

After a scary few days,  we received the result from the ultrasound on my legs.   According to the vascular surgeon,  the ultrasound was normal.   Even the blood pressure in my toes is good.    He said I was in no trouble whatsoever with my legs… it was getting enough blood flow after all.

I’m so thankful for this.  I had braced myself for “another terrible thing.”   I just had no idea how we would make it through another health crisis.   It seems that we always have something going on.  I don’t want this kind of thing to be what my kids remember most about their time at home.   I want them to have good memories of us.

What I do know for sure is that God answers prayer and He loves me.   He gives blessings and sees us through whatever comes up in our lives.

I am definitely thankful today.

 

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Random Faces

Lately, I’ve been trying to paint a little in acrylic,  do some collage,  and do some drawing.   But I’m still working on faces.  I’ve enjoyed trying them in pencil, paint or watercolor pencils.  I don’t know why I’ve been so obsessed with faces lately.  I think its because I’ve always thought I couldn’t draw or paint them.  I thought they were too hard.

While adding these pictures to this post,   I noticed I could have darkened these up more.  I think its a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees.   Like when you work on something for so long, only to notice later what you could have done….

I’ll get back to darkening them (maybe).

Anyway,  here they are (complete with comments)….

This one was done in watered down acrylic paint…

 

Gray pencils… This one is my favorite…

One song lyric comes to mind for this one:  “Creepy little girl like you.”

Hawaii, anyone?

 

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

So……

I had been having a problem with my right leg being colder than my left.  Last week, I went to have an ultrasound on the arteries in both my legs and my abdomen.  The ultrasound technician said that while there were differences in the ‘numbers’ in both my legs,    they didn’t get all excited about such small differences.    We left disappointed because we didn’t get the answers we wanted right that very minute.    He also told us it would be a week before we got results….

So late the next day,  I get a phone call from urgent care.  They said they had made another appointment with the vascular surgeon for this Monday.  This automatically gave me the ‘willies’,  the ‘creeps’ . whatever you want to call it,  I got it.   I knew something was up and the receptionist that called me couldn’t tell me any more than I have an appointment.

The next morning (Friday) the doctor from urgent care called me on my cell phone.  I had just dropped my son off at school.  I noticed that the phone said ‘restricted’  when I picked it up.    I answered the phone like “HELLO?!” and I’m sure he wondered what the heck.   He said he wanted to discuss the results of the test.   It seems that there is a significant decrease in blood flow in my right leg as compared to my left.

He said I needed to keep my foot elevated as much as possible this weekend and don’t plan on doing any extended walking or standing.

So I’m spending the weekend on the couch.   Its about to drive me crazy.    I’m definitely getting my rest!

 

 

 

The Waiting Game

Does anyone out there remember the ketchup commerical from the 70’s or 80’s,  where there is a close-up of the ketchup bottle and Carly Simon is singing “Anticipation” in the background?   Like the ketchup was so supposed to be so good ,  but it took forever to come out of the bottle?

Well, yesterday I had an ultrasound of the arteries in my abdomen and in both of my legs.    The technician was like “I don’t really see anything to worry about.  Of course,  I’m not a doctor.   The doctor will have to read the results and get back to you.  It could be sometime next week because it’ll take a day to read the results and dictate,  then a day for transcription,  blah blah blah.”

He was Mr.  Positive when all I really wanted to know was why my right leg was colder than my left.   And I wanted to know why it was discolored and why it feels “tight”,  even when its not swollen.  I wanted answers RIGHT THEN.

So my husband and I left,  feeling relieved and disappointed (because of the ‘no answer’ thing) at the same time.   Well,  we resigned ourselves to getting the results next week.

Of course,  today I get a phone call saying they have set up an appointment for me for next Monday.

Sorry, but the last time this kind of thing happened I found out that I had multiple sclerosis.

I know I’m in a tizzy about it and its probably nothing or something very small.    But now we have to go through the whole weekend thinking about it.

But I know Someone who knows the test results already.   Its not the vascular doctor  and its not Mr. Positive.    Psalm 27:14  “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart..”

 

 

 

 

Such is life….

I have a health update.

I’ve mentioned that I’m taking physical therapy to strengthen my legs.   On this past Thursday,  the physical therapist mentioned that one of my legs was colder than the other.  She strongly suggested that I visit my primary care doctor.   I saw my doc on Friday regarding my legs and he’s sending me to a vascular surgeon.  My appointment is on Sept 30th.   I don’t like to wait that long but whatever.

The physical therapist kicked my behind this morning.   She had me do all sorts of strengthening exercises.  Its great and I’m glad but it leaves me feeling tired.

* * * * * * * * * *

But onward with other things:

This is one of the places I would visit if I had the money:

 

 

 

The Help

Well,  it seems I’m going to gain a new friend.   And apparently my attitude is going to have to improve before it arrives!   For a few days after the subject was brought up,  I think my expression must have looked like this.  (Except my hair is short and graying) :

To clarify,  I went to the neurologist the other day and he ordered an MRI plus physical therapy – where they are going to be working on the strength in my right leg.  To gain stability,  I will probably be getting one of these, although I don’t think that mine will look exactly like this:

 

My husband is my number 1 fan, my biggest supporter,  the best life coach anyone could ask for.   He helps me all the time.  He will also tell you that I have trouble accepting help.   I feel like I should be able to be the same as I always was.   I should be able to walk straight and fast.  I should have have the same energy level as everyone else.   I should be able to go to Target without feeling like my backside has been kicked.   Shoulda, woulda, coulda…..  I could go on and on and on.  I could do a whole post on what I think I should still be able to do.

But I’m not the same as I was.  I will not be that way again.  My family isn’t the same.   To quote Caroline Manzo from The Real Housewives of New Jersey (that’s right, I watch it) :  “Life is about change…  Sometimes you have to roll with the punches…”

So I’m actually (sorta) looking forward to meeting my new “friend”.    And gracefully accepting the help (and possibilities) that it offers.

 

The Big Question

When I’m asked this question:

“What do YOU want?”

it usually has more to do with where we are going to eat than what I’m getting for Christmas.

But there have been times where it has been a serious question.   Once, when I was working,  I was whining to my boss about some issue and about how that issue made my life miserable.  I don’t remember exactly what the issue was and I suppose it doesn’t matter.  I had been sitting in a chair beside her office area and we had been talking for a while.  (I was probably keeping her from her work.)  But I can remember her looking into my eyes and asking me “What is it that YOU want?”  Clearly, I wasn’t satisfied in my current situation and I had been obsessing about stuff and circumstances that were beyond my control.   I didn’t have an answer.   It had never occurred to me to answer that question for myself.

I had been just going through the motions of doing whatever I thought was expected of me without really putting the effort of thinking about what is was that I wanted.    Whether it was Chinese for dinner or what to do for a career.   I guess it’s just easier to let other people or circumstances decide for you rather than actually choose a direction.

“What do YOU want?”

I’ve been asked that question at least twice recently.    And  I’ve honestly been thinking about it.   This time.  And I’ve come up with a few things to get started.

  • To improve my relationship with God.   If I seek Him,  I know I will find Him.
  • To improve my health as much as I can.  This is gonna take some work here.   I need a plan.   A real plan.
  • To get rid of some seriously bad habits and replace them with good ones.  I don’t drink or smoke so I’m off to a good start there.
  • To express my love and gratitude to my family more.
  • To pick a direction for my art and actually go there.

Do those sound like resolutions?   I guess they do and thats ok.

This picture has a quote that I had in my head for a while.   It seems very simple,  doesn’t it?

She thought she could so she did.